Soon We'll Be Living in the Future

And might I say, thank God for that. I can only handle one more final, so it's good that's all I have. Let me tell you a little something. College secretly sucks. It is not keggers and parties and sluts and pimps and frat houses and nerds conquering jocks, though there are sprinklings of some of those things. College is some tough work. Of course I knew that going in, but nevertheless, UGH. (side note: my iTunes seems to have a developed a fondness for Taking Back Sunday, because it has been playing them constantly. What is the point of shuffle if it's not giving me any variety? Enough whiny emos from Long Island, play me some Brand New! ...ha) Anyway. I suppose my AP classes in high school were a good indication of what grades I would be making in college, since they were college level courses. (Bs and As if you were wondering). It looks like I'll have a B in every class except english, which I've succesfully managed to pull an A in.


Finals are stressing me out. It's my first experience with college finals and I'm having anxiety issues. I thought for sure I failed Bio Lab because I failed like half of the quizzes we had on the labs, but God was on my side I guess because I managed to get a B- thanks to my superb B+ and C+ on my practicals. Ugh, I never would have been happy with a C+ in high school. All I have left is my bio final, which I have about three days to study for, so I have plenty of time to review. Um, did I mention my bio final is on a SATURDAY. In fact, if I were to stay much later, they would have the police escort me out of my dorm. 'Legally' I have to be out of the dorms by noon Sunday, so the fact that my Bio final is at 4:00 PM on Saturday is upsetting.


Okay, let me tell you a little something about calculus. I hate it. I. Hate. It. And the problem is, it's really useful stuff. Integrating can get you different types of functions and blah blah. Like, it applies to physics and therefore applies to life. (I love physics). I thought I was so ready for my calc final: WRONG. It was 849762901 times harder than the second midterm and roughly equivalent in difficulty to the first midterm (on which I got a 58% which, with the curve was a B, does that not tell you something about my teacher's ability to teach?) I managed to pull a C on the final with the curve (57% without). I think I pulled a B in the course anyway. I hate calculus. I passed. I am so done with that shit.

Chemistry can die. I am so uninterested in chemistry. It's boring and understandable and I did really well on the practice finals, so it figures I missed seven problems on the actual final. Whatever. I'll get a B in that class, it's fine.

Bio, providing I do well on my final, will provide me with a B.

But I'm still stressed because my roommate is gone, I'm bored, I'm tired of studying, and I just want to go home. And I only get three weeks off while everyone else gets a month-a month and a half.

I need a break like you would not believe. Every sunday for the past three months has been spent on the phone with my dad figuring out calculus problems.

UGHHHIUDHDIOHQIOFHIOW.

On the plus side, I got to see a relatively homemade video of John Nolan playing the piano and singing, and it brightened up my day.

I think my next post might be a best of, but maybe not, as I've been out of the pop culture loop ever since I came to college. Whatever.

-Technophobe-

Alas, Poor Yorick or something....

Which always just makes me think of Iorek Byrnison from the Golden Compass. Now, I would have pronounced it literally "eye-or-eck", but the movie says no, so whatever. Hamelt and MacBeth are the only two Shakespeare plays I enjoyed and MacBeth was partially just because there was guy called MacDuff "OH YEAH". Did anyone else think it was weird when Hamlet made out with his mom in the Mel Gibson version. Too many creative liberties there WHOA.

But that really isn't the point of this post. By the way, when did this blog become a livejournal?

Oh right, when I started writing it. Remember that one time I tried to make it into a blog that reviewed stuff, what a funny day. And then it turned out I didn't even review a completely wonderful movie, but just an okay funny one.

I keep saying, I don't get to sleep before eleven thirty: ever. Inappropriate use of a colon alert! Anyway, it's true. I never get to sleep before eleven thirty and the plan was that tonight I would go to sleep at ten, but oh look it's past ten and I'm still awake and probably will be for another hour at least even though I have a chem lab at eight in the morning.
I hate being a freshman or, at the very least, living in an all freshman dormitory because GOSH (yes gosh). "7] You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not acquit anyone who misuses his name." Yes I did just quote one of the ten commandments, not that I've never said God before, but next time I say gosh, keep this in mind. By the way, you know what I wondered, who the hell translated the bible and how did they know that whatever it said in arabic translated to Deuteronomy? Really.

But I was talking about my housing situation. Our floor is not only extremely cliquey, but it's all freshmen in our dorm and I don't know maybe I'm not as mature as I think but I could do with less estrogen and immaturity and more co-ed dorms WOO CO-ED.

Anyway. I think my internal clock is set too far ahead because I could totally go for a marriage and maybe a few babies right now. Hold the fries though, they upset my stomach. Really though. I feel old sometimes. I think maybe it's just because I'm not that into partying and I worry more about getting caught at a party with alcohol and the whole 'knowingly present' rule than having fun or whatever... I need to get a job at some place interesting and meet people that way. I thought I could work the desk at the Andy Warhol Museum providing it isn't too far of a bus ride, but I wouldn't want to have to work late and take the bus back in the dark. I wouldn't feel safe.

So I'm resigned to finding something to do on campus until I can get a summer job somewhere interesting, except I'll probably just work somewhere not interesting. But I have to get a job this summer at any rate if I want to go to Melbourne, Australia spring semester of my sophomore year. Which I do.

And I want to be a Pitt Pathfinder next fall, we'll see.

I want to marry Jason Segel (replace teddy bear with me) also. I think he is ideal. He should really call me up. I'm talking to you Jason Segel. Look me up at Pitt. It'd be a swell idea.

Ho hum. I'm extremely excited about going home for Thanksgiving as it's been three entire months since I've seen my house or my dogs or Fairport and I'm homesick, not as bad as when I first moved in, but still, I can't wait to see the canal and the coffee shop and feel more homesick when I have to come back for two weeks and study my ass off for finals.

My first college finals experience oo yay!

In other news, I may have to have reconstructive surgery on my gums because they are still so swollen after the whole 'teeth straightening' process. I visit the orthodontist wednesday next week. Also, I'm not getting my hair cut until Saturday, because you cared.

Did you know that Jason Schwartzmann was originall cast to play Jake Gyllenhaal's role in Donnie Darko? Why do I care? You ask. Because:

Prepare to see this used a thousand more times for no reason and probably out of context because it cracks me up. I forgot to mention, I spent an hour reading the 'trivia' section of movies' IMDB pages which was spurred by my realization that all of Seth Rogen's friends in Knocked Up have the same names as the people who play them.

Long story short, I am a loser.

-Technophobe

College!

Greetings one and...well, let's not be too drastic and assume more than one person is ever reading this. I feel like a real college student now that I've been to a frat party. Halloween was exciting.

Let's see, I usually have good costumes but considering I am a cheap skate and I was lazy this year, I wore three polos with popped collars and wore a tipped hat and big sunglasses and went as a douche bag. I thought the subtlety and idiocy would be ironic but it turns out it wasn't. My roommate went as a rubik's cube, which was a big hit. It looked fantastic.

As you can see.

Anyway. We didn't know what we were going to do. We really didn't want to bum around the room on Halloween. NO WAY MAN! So found some girls on our floor and went to a frat house at Carnegie Mellon. It's a really short walk and anyway, one of the girls on our floor had a friend who goes there I guess? We never met her. The first frat house we tried to get into wouldn't let us in because we weren't from CMU so we were trying to decide if we should go back to Pitt and find a frat party there or go to some other frat houses at CMU when some kid dressed as Kevin Gnapoor from Mean Girls (we hope anyway because he was acting like him and uh...he looked awful if it wasn't a costume) comes up to us and touches my back and the girl next to me and is like "ladies, there's plenty of fun inside, we've got the power back on". My first thought was to step forward a little because some creepy Indian dude was touching my back. Anyway. Apparently their power had gone out and they were trying to get people back inside.

Actually we went to the door and there was a guy kind of, you know, guarding it. And he was like "Anyone have a CMU I.D.?" while he was ripping off the paper bracelets that let us get in and he was like "Anyone? Eh." and he just let us in, which was rad, I guess. Well I had this red plastic solo cup to go with the whole "i'm a douchebag whose going to get drunk and rape you" outfit, and he was like "Bringing your own cup in? That's ballsy."

ANYWAY. So we went to a real live frat party. That was exciting. I feel like a real college kid. It wasn't particularly exciting. This one dude kept trying to spin my roommate like she was actually a rubik's cube and at first it was funny but he did it like twenty times. She almost fell over a couple of times. It was actually still pretty funny the last time. Then three guys were grinding on her box and it was HILARIOUS.

But anyway, we just danced and there was beer on the floor and it stunk, but whatever. We went got pizza after that and then at 2am we were still awake so Tess and I decided to watch the Hills Have Eyes, which we rented but she fell asleep and I (stupidly) decided to do laundry at 2am and didn't finish until 4am. Then I got like four hours of sleep and then I took a nap from 3pm-7pm and flipped a shit because it was so dark out when I woke up and I thought it was like 10.

But anyway, frat party, cool deal. Especially considering I am like the world's biggest worrier and for 50% of our time in the frat house I was worried we were going to get busted for being in a building with alcohol underage. I am so pathetic.

By the way, Clive Owen should have been the new James Bond. Daniel Craig really isn't doing it for me. I think Clive Owen should play every leading man role. But, you know, just me.

-Technophobe-

Blathering about fictional love

I just felt like throwing this out there, I've decided on a favorite character (book and movie) of all time. Theo Faron from P.D. James' The Children of Men and Alfonso Cuarón's film Children of Men. While the movie is loosely based on the book, in that the same concept of infertility and a lack of children is used, they are pretty drastically different, but what doesn't really change is Theo.

Why do I love Theo? Well if you don't read books, then at least go see the movie, not only is it a fantastic movie full of powerful political meaning, but Clive Owen is damn sexy. So that may be the first reason to potentially love Theo, because Clive Owen portrayed him and...damn. Though, honestly I think Clive Owen was born to play that role. His moody appearance and demeanor (along with that sexy, sexy British accent actually the British accent has nothing to do with it, never mind) make him perfect for the role. Really, I don't know who could have done a better job, I really don't. I can't fully express how perfect he is for the role. But enough about Clive Owen, I'm talking about Theo Faron. Maybe I'll reserve a different blog post for my minor Clive Owen obsession. Right now it's irrelevant and a poor topic of conversation.

Damn

Theo Faron is very real and I think that's the main reason why he's so easy to like. Both in the novel and in the film, he's a man with a realistic point of view about the future who is fed up with the deteriorating world around him. You're also able to feel sympathy for him because he's been through a lot of shit in his life and at the point in the movie and novel where we meet him, he's pretty much alone in life. It's a bit easier to sympathize with movie Theo because his relationship was destroyed due to his child dying of a sickness whereas novel Theo accidentally ran over his child that he admits he really didn't love like his wife had. Theo is each of us, in some unique way. If we were faced with this world in which humans could no longer reproduce, I think that many of us would be Theo, living each day knowing that there really was no hope and nothing we could do. "I can't really remember when I last had any hope, and I certainly can't remember when anyone else did either. Because really, since women stopped being able to have babies, what's left to hope for?"-A quote from movie Theo. You have the sharp contrast of the Five Fishes, the only people who still think anything can be done and honestly, as ideal as it seems to say, 'well I'd help them, I wouldn't give up', most of us know that isn't true. But at the same time, there is that part of Theo that still hopes and most people have that, a glimmer of hope in the face of certain doom/despair/etc. Theo's choice to aid the Five Fishes embodies something in all of us, I think. Our desire to help, to actually do what we say we will instead of sitting idly by.

Apart from these basic human traits that make Theo Faron so much like us, he really is quite a heroic man. He goes from a lonely, tired, hopeless man to a man who is willing to kill and sacrifice his own life in order to help the mother of the first child on earth in decades. In the movie, we see Theo risk his life on multiple occassions to help Kee because he realizes that the situation is bigger than him. In the novel, we see him willing to kill his cousin and others in order to ensure that Julian can safely deliver her baby the way that she chooses to. Theo's bravery makes him a hero, and that in itself makes him a very likeable character.

I think it's rare to see a character so completely real. I really do. Because usually when a character his heroic and has flaws, they succumb to the flaws and when they're heroic and they don't have flaws it's overwhelmingly cheesy. Sure you could cite Batman as a hero with flaws who overcomes them without cheesing it up but the man has a grappling hook and a sonar system that summons bats. Not quite the same as a hero with nothing but a suit and a tie and a fed-up attitude. Theo Faron is a very raw character and at his very center lies a little bit of what everybody has in them.

With that in mind, I really do think Theo Faron is the most interesting and thoughtful hero that has ever been written on paper or put into film.

Thank you, imaginary reader, and Michael, for listening (reading) my long winded rant that was partially inspired my ridiculous english class that requires me to delve into the ideas of heroism.

-Technophobe-

SHUT THE F*** UP IT'S QUIET HOURS FOOL!

It's currently 1:48 AM on Monday, October 13th and there are anywhere from 3-7 people standing outside of my room having a loud conversation whilst waiting for the elevator. Did I mention I hate the location of my room? At least it's not right in front of the elevator so everyone sees it immediately if my door is open...though it is just one room over. Someone early was trying to get into my room. I think they were drunk and unsure of their location.

What puzzles me right now is the fact that up until this point the floor has been pretty quiet (excluding a 9:30-10:30 miniature party my RA and some friends were having. apparently there were only 3 of them but the noise carries). Now everyone seems to be up. There are people talking next door and directly outside of my room and I'm starting to believe they aren't waiting for the elevator.

I would punch them but I'm too apathetic.

I'm tired. I should go to sleep. Instead I'm updating a blog that only Mike Wandling reads.

I'm glad we're friends even though we have such differing religious views on facebook. I believe in God and Mike believes in...Photoshop and Britney Spears apparently. I love you Michael.

This has been a short post to bring you the information that I hate the location of my room. Also, I know like zero people across the tower. Weird.

Zing!

Greetings imaginary readers! I've moved on to the pluralized form because I'd like to believe there's more than one imaginary person reading my blog. I dream big, what can I say.

Let me tell you about the stressful upcoming week I will be having and how I'm writing a blog post instead of working on a) my film analysis essay b) calc review c) chem review d) understanding what the hell is going on in biology. Next week on Monday I have my first calculus and chemistry tests (one right after the other with an hour in between I might add). I also have a five page essay on the prompt "is it possible for there to be a universal hero?" due that day. Tuesday I have my first lab practical for bio lab, which should be fun considering 1) I hate labs and b) I'm not doing too well in that class anyway. This Thursday I have an appointment with the student health clinic to have a lump on my neck checked out (yay!). It's been there for three or four months so I guess I should figure out what the problem is. The week after next I have a study abroad session (mandatory if I want to study abroad, which I do), then I have a biology test (on cell signaling which makes little to no sense. DOES NOT COMPUTE), then that Saturday I'm participating in the Pitt makes a difference day which should be fun because I like helping out. Then the next week........MY PARENTS ARE COMING TO VISIT!

Here I was assuming I was 18 and capable of being independent (to some extent). College has kicked my ass. I want my mommy. No but really, I miss my parents a lot and I'm really glad they're coming to visit for family weekend/homecoming. I hope we kick Rutger's butts.

Also, I feel I'm never going to get into medical school. My parents told me this isn't a legitimate fear as it's only my freshman year but I got an 82 on my first bio test, which isn't bad. Still, I feel like unless I have a 4.0 consistently until I die, medical school will laugh and use me as a lab rat at best. It is a legitimate fear.

I would kill for some homecooked food and some limeade. Oh how I miss thee limeade.

Yesterday I karate chopped the door shut Chuck Norris style and Tess had a good laugh. Then we had an in depth discussion about bananas.

Oh my.

College life is proving to be conisderably as equally mundane as I had expected. I need to go to a party, at least once. I'm going to a party on Halloween at least but I think most of them are up at Sutherland and I don't want to go there.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh wellllllllllllllll.

Enjoy imaginarily reading this!

-Technophobe-

It's Alright 'cause I'm Saved by the...

If my family life were a sitcom then my current life would be the spinoff of that sitcom and it would be called Saved by the Scholarship: The College Years. Or maybe it would be more like A Different World and I would eventually become an obsolete character in the sitcom of my life and would no longer be on the show. Moving on.

My life is not a sitcom however, but I have entered the college years. I've succesfully managed to survive two whole weeks of college. Of course, being truthful, I've called my parents everday. We're super close so you know. But I retain my independence. I'm getting more adjusted as the days go by. Homework isn't as overwhelming as one might think. There is a lot of reading and I should be reading more of my chemistry book but it's just the basics right now. That, perhaps, is my biggest problem. I'm growing frustrated at the fact that we're only covering the basics of things because it feels like I've been living here for months. In reality I haven't even completed two whole weeks of class. Lame.

I don't want to go to sleep because I know when I wake up for my 8am class, I will be spending four hours in Chemistry lab. I hate laboratory settings. I do. And I don't think we have lab partners for chem lab. I'm a pretty smart girl. I don't want to toot my own horn or anything but really, I'm smart. I was smart enough to get into pitt and somehow I managed to sucker them into giving me a scholarship. I got a 1300 on my SATS and a 31 on my ACTS. I am not, by any means dull. Too the point now: however smart I may be, I always seem to have no brain when it comes to doing a lab. I feel too timid to ask questions or I just stare at my paper like I'm trying to read Chinese. It's horrible. Maybe it's lab anxiety. Whatever it is I hope I get over it because we have lab practicals in biology. I'm not sure about chem. I haven't met my actual lab instructor yet, we had a sort of stand-in last week. He was nice but he couldn't speak english very well and i have this horrifying image of a lab instructor who can't help me because he can't understand me.

Moving on again.

I got extremely sunburnt at the football game last weekend. I stayed for three quarters until it was just too much to bear and then I hightailed it out of there. I went with Kelley, my new friend from Chemistry. It was fun but it was too freaking hot. I brought a hoodie (foolish little me) thinking it might get chilly. HA. It's been warm ever since. I got so sunburnt as to get slightly sick. I may have gotten sun poisoning or something. I was so dizzy and nauseous for the rest of the day that I had to postpone my study session with Kelley for the next day. It was awful. Now, thanks to that sunburn, my face is peeling. I looked like a tomato the day of the incident. Anyway my nose is peeling, my cheeks are peeling, my forehead is peeling (and breaking out in zits). I look fabulous. Who wouldn't want to date me right now? Ugh.

I think I'm going to do laundry tomorrow. I figure if I do it while I'm reading my biology book, I'll stay more focused on bio. Rather than if I was just in my room where my computer would be sitting begging me to sit on it and click 'Stumble' aimlessly for hours. Damn you stumbleupon. Even when I could be doing something more interesting, sometimes I just sit at my computer pressing stumble until my brain melts.

Anyway. Lab in chem and calculus tomorrow and I'll be out by two. College is so exciting. not.

I'm going to apply to become a Pathfinder. Wish me luck imaginary reader. I really would like to get the job. I have to go shopping this weekend and by some dress pants and shoes because I conveniently packed nothing nice to wear for my legs. They are upset with me now.

Anyway. Moving on. Etc. etc.

-Technophobe-

Losersayswhat?

Before I bring you my irregularly scheduled blog post let me present you (my imaginary reader) with this query. What if I wrote this entire post in Webdings? Put your mind around that.

Sorry I just fail to understand why Webdings in an optional font for this blog. Maybe some people prefer to be more cryptic than me. Anyway. I've decided to give up trying to put any purpose on this blog. It's just a way for me to let out thoughts I guess. Trying to stick to any set reason to write makes me want to do it less. I was going to do a review of the Dark Knight when I saw it like a month ago but I'm not in the mood now. It was awesome by the way. Phenomenal performances from all the actors (except Maggie Gyllenhaal. Everyone said they liked her better than Katie Holmes but I was unconvinced with her performance). Anyway, RIP Heath Ledger. There's my mini review.

I'm headed off to college Tuesday. The great unknown...more or less. Did I mention I got a big fat 4 on my Physics AP. Oh yeah, I definitely did better than failing. What now?

Anyway. College. Yes I'm off to the University of Pittsburgh. I'm looking forward to it though. My roommate seems really nice. I'm slightly dreading the onslaught of coursework I'll undoubtedly have. I have this creeping feeling that Analysis of Film is going to be much harder than it seems. If my teacher is anything like Hogan, he'll talk through the entire movie or pause it every five seconds and we'll get through one movie the entire semester. I doubt my teacher is like that.

I swear I had something important to ramble about but I guess not. My infrequent and patchy blog posts must annoy you, imaginary reader.

Until next time. (years from now undoubtedly)

-Technophobe-

"Get Smart" gets it right

Returning to my original goal of reviewing anything and everything (i.e. limeade, movies, shows, etc) I've decided to review Get Smart, which I just saw June 29th, before I see Hancock (which I'm seeing July 3rd) and review that. Getting to the point however, I've been dying to see this movie since I saw the commercials and it lives up to the potential created by its previews.

Now, I'll admit, I have never in my life watched an episode of Get Smart, though my parents have and they talk about it now and then. Sorry, I'm just too young and I don't watch TV Land enough which is sad, because Get Smart the television show was created by the incredibly funny Mel Brooks (who happens to be a co-producer for the film itself which should please any die hard show fans). Needless to say, the show did not push me to see the movie because I've never seen it. What pushed me to see the movie is the fact that I generally love Steve Carell and every commercial looked hilarious.

The movie follows Maxwell Smart (Carell), an analyist who translates foreign 'chatter' for the secret spy group CONTROL. Max has always wanted to become a secret agent so he can join the ranks of people like Agent 23 (Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson), but he's failed his test seven times. The movie begins on the day that Max is scheduled to find out the results to his eighth exam. As luck would have it, the chief (Alan Arkin) tells him he passes and he eventually becomes Agent 86. He is then assigned a mission to travel to Russia with Agent 99 (Anne Hathaway) and discover any terrorist links to CONTROL's arch-rival, the terrorist group KAOS. Hilarity ensues as Max and Agent 99 move past lasers, fight Russian terrorists, and find nuclear weapons linked to KAOS. And that's as far as I'm going without giving away the ending.

I thought this movie was excellent. Unlike some recent comedy films (such as almost anything starring Will Ferrell as of late) I found myself laughing more often than not. When there isn't some blatant physical humor, there are one liners and little stupid things that will have you cracking up. Some of this stuff seems to come out of nowhere and hit you in the face until you're laughing so hard you're crying. But that's what Mel Brooks is best at and it comes through in this movie. While some of the good jokes were given away in the commercials, it's not enough to ruin the movie. Unlilke some comedies where every funny bit is given away and you're left with two hours of stupidity, this movie never seems to run out of humor. The plot is interesting as well. It's not just jokes with no substance, you're actually interested in what happens right down to the very end (it's funny to the very end as well). There's a short cameo at the end from Patrick Warburton, who is hilarious, which I really liked. The actors did a fantastic job. The Rock didn't have to do much considering he played a macho idiot. There was some great chemistry between Hathaway and Carrell but my favorite characters had to be Bruce (Masi Oka) and Lloyd (Nate Torrence), the loveable computer geeks who invented much of CONTROL's superior technology and provided added humor, working especially well with Carrell.

Get Smart was, in my opinion, a very worthwhile film. I won't say I was ever skeptical, because I like most film's with Steve Carell, he is a funny guy, but for anyone that is skeptical, I recommend seeing the movie. It's a side-splitting comedy with some outrageously hilarious scenes. The plot is interesting, the comedy is genuinely funny, and the actors work well together. I'd give this movie four and a half out of five stars. It's worth shelling out seven bucks to see this and it has to be better than 'Don't Mess with the Zohan'

-Technophobe-

Stopped Signs

It's 12:50 AM as I am beginning this article. I just spent the last half hour re-reading old live journal entries from when I was a sophomore and a couple from last year. I am going to graduate on June 25th. My last day of school was this last Friday. I am done with high school and I couldn't be more terrified.

For those of you who read my blog, so basically just me, here is a recap of everything that has happened to me since ninth grade as a freshman:

9th grade- I thought I could prove that girls could do anything guys could do so I took the class on small gas engines and nearly failed and passed with like a 70 something. I obsessed over a guy named Ted for eight trillion years (or just one or two) and became increasingly creepy about it. Sorry Ted, if you ever read this. Ninth grade me was a real freak but you learn from your mistakes, I've grown and I see it when I read my old LJ entries (they are ridiculous). I was also a real 'non-conformist punk' in ninth and tenth grade. Which leads me to,

10th grade- I finally got to be in the high school with the rest of the upper classmen. I 'fell in love' with a kid named Aaron who is now just a good (gay) friend. I also 'fell in love' (note the quotations. as a 15-year old, love is a very serious matter for just about any boy you think is cute for a long period of time) with a senior who played bass in the orchestra named Corey. Well that was a dandy experience. At the end of the year my friends put a letter in his car that said to come to my sixteenth birthday party and then he instant messaged me with a lovely threat to call the police. Another great year for me. I made friends with a lot of people, including Mike and Blayke(these names mean nothing to outside readers). Tenth grade saw the beginning and (thankfully) gradual decline of my anti-authoritarian, 'i hate everyone and everything' phase. Lordy.

11th grade-This is going to be a long one. This is the year I had to learn to grow up. I learned to deal with guys, for the most part, from my past experiences (sorry for being such a weirdo! I'm so embarassed). But that's not really why I had to grow up. A kid named Alex who I had known since sixth grade, had been my math partner in sixth grade, and had been in some of my other classes, drowned in the Erie canal on August 28th of 2006. Sorry to make this post depressing but it happened and for the first time in my life I had this huge sign put in front of me that said "You are not invincible" and I realized that kids did die to soon. It was really the first time anyone I had known for so long had died and it was startling because he was my age, I had a personal connection to his death because I knew him, I saw him every day. It was extremely upsetting for me. After that school started and I had to tackle three Advanced Placement courses. It's not really that much but they were my first AP classes ever and I was frightened by the amounts of homework we received. And the first day of school my friend Blayke told me she didn't want to hang out or be friends anymore but at the time it seemed so much harsher and worse than now. My dad developed a disease called avascular necrosis where the blood stopped flowing to his hip bone and he had to have it replaced. Then on March 27th, 2007 a girl that I had talked to a few times that went to my school and was friends with a lot of my friends died from a really rare form of cancer. It was heartbreaking in so many ways. Her name was Natalie and her older brother had already gotten and beaten cancer before her. She was only like a week away from her 16th birthday and I remember that whole day everyone was just so upset, it was unbearable. She was such a nice and caring person and it hit me once again that we, as teenagers, were not immune. I just couldn't understand how two people I had known who were my own age could die in the same school year. Then we found out my dad's disease had spread into his other hip and he had to have that replaced to. The stress of classes finally eased away and I went to get my lisence on June 26th, the same day that five girls from the class above me were killed in a car accident on their way to a friend's cabin. The whole school turned out to support their families and they were all over the news and some of my synical friends said "well they were texting while driving so they deserved it" or "well everyone says they were so nice but they just say that now because they're dead" and I remember thinking, 'how can you say that about anyone?'. I really don't think anyone deserves to die, least of all five girls who were just trying to enjoy their last summer before vacation. I remember going to Katie's calling hours (she was the only one that was an only child, just like me) and there was this picture on this board of pictures of her where she was a little baby lying on her dad's stomach and they were both asleep and I just started sobbing. I hadn't even known this girl ever but I had seen that same exact picture in our family photo album of me asleep on my dad and it just really hit that it didn't matter what clique she was a part of or if we ever would have been friends; we're all the same on a fundamental level. You're probably reading this now and thinking, all this tragedy couldn't occur in one school year but it did. I wish I were making this up, I really do, but junior year was the worst year so far of my life and this all really happened. I suddenly grew up amidst the deaths of peers and mountains of homework and it was terrifying. On top of all that I had to search for colleges so that I could apply in the fall. It was a horrifying experience, that entire year I mean. But things got better.

12th grade-I finally had a chance to put everything from the previous year behind me. At the beginning of the year a kid from the class above me, David, died while at college and for that whole month I thought, please don't let this keep happening. Thankfully it didn't. I got through senior year alive too. I took AP Physics, which was extremely hard at times. I failed my first test ever in my whole life (my first AP physics test: I got a solid 50.5%) but things got better and I started doing better on the tests. I actually finished with a 90 up from a 75 I think. I made new friends and got to know people better. I learned not to fall in love on a whim and allowed myself to like a guy without it being a huge part of my life. I started playing my violin in the orchestra again and I just took things day to day. I got accepted into the college I wanted to go to, the University of Pittsburgh, just to receive a 11,000 dollar a year scholarship (roughly) from a local colleege, St. John Fisher, that was my second choice school. I went to Pitt to see if they would match the scholarship and they kindly told me they wouldn't give me a cent of aid. But I didn't give up and neither did my dad. I got another scholarship from Fisher and he sent that plus a letter 'begging' them to reconsider at Pitt. They did, to my surprise. Just when I though I would have to settle, Pitt wrote back saying they would offer 10,000 dollars a year and we took it. So I was ready from everything. I was going to the school I wanted to, my grades were up, everything seem golden. And then just last week, it all seemed to hit me. When it normally hits kids at the beginning of senior year when they're applying to school, I didn't get hit until last week. There are some people I will never ever seen again after graduation and that terrifies me because some of them I see everyday and they've just become part of my life and soon they won't be. And I know when I get to college I won't really think about them, but I can't fathom that right now. I know I'm not the only person that's stood at these crossroads trembling with fear but I sure feel like it. I'm slightly terrified that I'm not ready to go out and start my new life.

So now you've heard my high school-life story and it's long and sad sometimes and boring other times. I know this isn't really my typical blog post (I also know I haven't had enough posts to really have a 'typical' post) but I just felt the need to get this all out somewhere and I like my blog a good deal.

So here's to moving on, my own personal graduation speech to myself, here's to learning from past mistakes and moving on to make better decisions. To anyone else who is, has, or will ever go through this state of being, may the road take you where you need to get. Remember, "Life is just a whim of several billion particles to be you for a while"

-Technophobe-

Might as Well Face It...

No, I'm not addicted to love, though I might be. I've never actually thought about that. We'll leave that to Robert Palmer shall we? I am however complete mentally addicted to a little show called American Idol. It represents everything I simultaneously love and hate about showbusiness and American entertainment. I know it's a relatively stupid show but you have to admit, some of the people singing on this show do have some talent. Like cute little monkey-faced David Archuletta. Even if you hate this kid, he can sing. And anyway I'm hopelessly in love with David Cook.

Think about it though. For me, regardless of whether or not you feel this way, American idol evokes many emotions in me that even a good sob-fest kind of movie can't. There is my immense hatred for Paula Abdul's outstandingly stupid comments, "That was just...absolutely...you look really nice...I'll pass...you were good...wait...well...you're a bundle of sunshine". Note that some of these things have actually been said (more or less) by the stupendously idiotic Ms. Abdul. My dislike for the annoying contestants both past and present : Constantine, Sanjaya, and Kristy Lee Cook (thanks vote for the worst! (though I do love that website)) has also evoked a familiar hateful feeling within me, couple with immense joy when they were duly kicked off. There's also the sense of struggle, right? Am I the only one who actually likes Sayesha? Maybe she's not the best singer ever but she's got a pretty freaking good voice. Anyway, the point is, you can feel a variety of emotions watching American Idol and despite the fact that it's mass-produced crap exploiting anyone decent once they get a record deal, I can't stop watching. Even if Ryan Secrest doesn't host next year. American Idol has brainwashed me and I will never get those countless hours back. Nor do I want to!

But enough about American Idol. (I hope Jason is off this week. His stoned charm has only lasted so long and he massacred Bob Marley last night) I have a busy few weeks ahead of me. Tomorrow is my AP German exam. Ich bin nicht fertig. Ich glaube, dass ich nicht gut genug bin. Ich werde meiner Pruefung failen. P.S. Failen is not a word. I think I'll be alright. I just need to be sure to read over my adjective ending sheet. You have no clue. Unless you take German or speak it, in which case you probably do. I have one other AP, Physics B. I'm a bit nervous but I think I'll do better on it than the German as I'm fairly certain it's entirely english. Though there are some greek letters (sigma F equals ma and all that). It's all greek to me. Sorry...anyway after APs I have to attend my 'pittstart' dates for University of Pittsburgh to sign up for classes and stuff. It's like a pre-orientation. Pretty much APs are the kick-off to my busy summer. June brings forth senior ball, senior bash, graduation, amidst countless graduation parties. July means my eighteenth birthday as well as my two week trip to California and then Orlando some weeks later then orientation and then college. It's all going to fly by, I know. I feel like I have a lot to prepare for but luckily the only challenging and unentertaining thing I'll be doing is the AP exams...unless I end up having to take the pre-calc final.

So now that you know my summer itenerary as well as my addiction to American Idol, I'll leave you to waste your time reading someone else's blog. As if anyone is reading this anyway!

Jeopardy is on and me and Kebert Xela have some time to spend together. College week yay!

-Technophobe-

This is Art

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
00000000000000000000000000000000000000ART00000000000000000000000000
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Our popularized sub-culture disgusts me

Today I've heard a horribly disturbing bit of information that doesn't necessarily shock me, but still disgusts me. A thirteen year-old daughter of my father's coworker has started cutting herself. I do not understand how the emo-sub-culture has turned kids as young as thirteen and undoubtedly younger into self-mutilating unhappy people.

Why has cutting become okay?

I don't care how depressed you are or how bad your life is. Putting a blade to your skin makes absolutely no sense. I've been depressed, I've been upset, life sucks some times. What you're supposed to do is gather yourself up and deal with your issues or get yourself out of that bad situation. Just giving up and injuring yourself to 'release your pain' isn't okay. Talk to someone, talk to anyone, talk to me. I don't care. Cutting isn't okay. It's the most absurd thing I've ever heard of. Dressing in black and feeling cool becausey you're depressed is probably the most ridiculous trend yet to come around.

Don't cut yourself. Achieve your goals, remember that God never gives you more than you can handle and if you don't believe in God then just remember that things will get better if only you try. Believe in a better tomorrow. I'm so sick of emo and cutting and immaturity.

-Technophobe-

And now back to Planet of the Apes

For those of you who read this, which is only me, I left you all with the bold statement that the Planet of the Apes is true. As it has been over a month now since I last posted, I forget why I felt this way. Most likely because Michael Jackson lives and breathes.

American Idol is on and getting close to the top twelve. My personal favorite this year is likely everyone's favorite, David Archuletta. This kid is seventeen and bursting with natural talent. He's one of the youngest in the competition and also one of the best. Besides that, he's adorable and modest, very likeable characteristics. I honestly think he'll win, but you never know with Vote for the Worst still up and running. I hate that website. Cool idea, but really, look at what it did last season for Sanjaya. My God. I have to stay I can't stand Luke Menard who has successfully ruined every song he's sung so far, particularly 'Killer Queen' by Queen. Freddie Mercury cannot be imitated, sorry. I also loathe Amanda Overmyer, who has the voice of a chain smoker (she can't sing anything but freaking Janis Joplin), the hair of a skunk, and the personality of a depressed teenager. I think she smiled for the first time last night. I guess she's a nurse, but she's more likely to scare her patients to death than anything. I hope she's off this week, I really do.

Now that the writers strike is over we still aren't seeing any new episodes. Hopefully in the next month we'll see something. By the time new episodes get cranked out, the seasons will be over anyway. Oh well, Entertainment Weekly has promised that shows like Pushing Daisies, which I love, will likely be back for a second season because of the writer's strike. These shows probably wouldn't have made it in competition with stuff like Grey's Anatomy, which has lost my interest as of late. Am I the only one who's sick of Meredith being so emo all the time? God, if McDreamy wanted me that bad, I wouldn't be moping about my drunkard of a father.

Anyway, this post is late so I should post it now before it becomes ancient.

-Technophobe

Limeade was Ade for Me

Today is the first day I have ever tasted limeade. It was not fresh squeezed limeade; one look out the window at the utterly bitter cold would tell you that no one in the state of New York is at this moment drinking fresh squeezed limeade. No, it was that delicious stuff you buy in the can (the one that most obviously resembles a can of Pillsbury biscuits) and then you stick it in your freezer and pull it out when you want it. I've had the frozen lemonade like that before. It's this disgusting slush that you mix with water but it tastes fantastic. It's amazing what will amuse me really. I thought I was going to gorge myself on the limeade. It's so bitter and yet so delicious. I think it would be perfectly acceptable to cut a coconut in half and pour limeade in it. That would be so good.

In other news, as if there weren't enough completely existential emos out there in the world, Life After People aired on the History Channel. I thought it looked really interesting so I watched it. It was definitely interesting, in a completely depressing way. Emo kids everywhere are going to watch this and spend the next month moaning about how there's no point to go on, as we'll all die eventually. Oh wait, they already do. No worries then.

Fun Fact: Microsoft word suggests replacing the word 'emos' with 'emus'.

I have to tell you, I'm really sick of hearing about Britney Spears. I don't think anyone finds what's happening that interesting really. They just haven't been able to watch their regularly scheduled sitcoms and soap operas so they tune in to see what Britney's doing, as her life is basically just a soap opera…with more booze. E! has been milking the writers' strike for all it's worth by airing even more useless crap and getting away with it. I've got nothing else to watch, I may as well watch Britney breakdown for the 291,432,321^st time. Or watch Debbie Mantenopoulos blather on for thirty minutes about nothing while randomly interjecting halfway through, "P.S., Heath Ledger's dead."

Which brings me to my next point. Heath Ledger is dead. He was only 28 by the way and had a two year old daughter. I'm not too serious of a person but I think this is a real tragedy. Stupid gay jokes about Brokeback Mountain aside; Heath Ledger was a pretty fantastic actor. I don't know about you but after seeing trailers for the new batman movie 'The Dark Knight' which by the way is a completely gay title, I was pretty pumped about Ledger's performance as the joker. I'm only hoping they'll still release the film. I can't see why they wouldn't. I'm relatively certain they were done filming and it would be a great waste of money to do it with someone else. I think the biggest shame in Ledger's death, besides the fact that he was completely gorgeous, is that as I said he had a two year old daughter and she'll never even really know her father. I think that's really a shame.

Moving on to something less depressing than attractive men with little children dying, I'm pretty sure Planet of the Apes is true.

Maybe next week I'll explain.

You should just think about it though. Charlton Heston could teach us a lot. He was Moses once.

-Technophobe-